My Head Might Explode!

Day three of the new quarter and I feel like I should just face plant straight to the floor... my arms out like a T, my book bag on my back, my winter clothes on, not moving. And then just lie there until an undetermined amount of time.

I had a wonderful 6 week break from school to do whatever my heart desired and now all of a sudden day 3 I feel like I could explode?

I spent my break, I thought, wisely: I read some informative books about George Washington, The Kurdistan's, The Doors... I made soaps, I baked everything from homemade pies (blueberry, apple, and pumpkin), cookies (all sorts), brownies, a strawberry short cake, I attempted writing a short fictional story, I helped my step dad with some yard work, I went to two Ravens game, I spent a few nights downtown in Baltimore, I spent a couple evenings in Bel Air where I went to high school, I visited my family in Pennsylvania, I visited my grandmother twice in up state New Jersey, I applied to graduate school, I finished my resume... I thought I made my time useful, but I guess I had no idea what this first week of school would bring.

I always knew since deciding to double major and double minor I would have a tense course load, but I was ready to accept that challenge and make it happen. I am taking a full course load right now 16 credits and about to add 2 more credits totaling my course load to 18 credits this quarter. That is a lot.

On top of that I am coaching girls lacrosse, teaching yoga, working as a writer for RootsRated, and hosting a two hour radio show on Monday evenings...

I am overwhelmed. I knew that I would always have a full course load but I just realized I am short four credits for my communication major! I had calculated and shown a couple advisors my plan and neither me nor the advisors noticed my mistake. I didn't calculate one class that I needed.

I called my mother, of course, because I call her to tell her anything that I need to vent about. And she suggests not finishing the Communication Studies major! And finishing it later if I desired... 

Did she really just suggest that? 

I am thinking, is that a joke? I just spent countless hours working toward this goal to double major and double minor and now you're telling me to forget it? No way. There is no way! I am certain I need to get it done.

And so that is why half of me is extremely overwhelmed. Another part of me is stressing out about my future plans for next year. The other is about my classes I am taking now, I am taking the capstone business class, a law class, a media ethics class, and a digital design class. Plus, doing an internship - if I can get it approved Friday - for 2 credits.

To put a cherry on top of my stress I went to my first "lab" for the digital design class. We are working on Adobe and I am a novice to this site. I am struggling asking the professor questions and it gets to the point where I am falling behind and I don't want to ask anymore questions because I feel like a dumb dumb.

The kid next to me is flying by on step like 25 and I am on step 8. I was too embarrassed to ask what I was doing wrong and so I decided to X-out of Adobe so I could re-do this one step I could not figure out. Long story short I didn't save it so when I went to re-open it up... nothing was there. I had to re-start from scratch.

Tears began creeping to the corners of my eyes. I was so exasperated at myself I just wanted to cry.

I started talking to myself saying, "A senior college student does not cry!" "For pete sakes Devin, get it together!" "Are you seriously getting emotional in front of the professor who wrote you your recommendation letter for graduate school?"

I took a deep breathe, and got myself together.

I left the room to fill up my water and came back with every bone in my body fuming with negative vibes. There was no way I was going to sit there and start over when smarty pants to my right is almost done... this is a two-four hour lab.

I left class wanting to drop it. And I still do.

Problem is, I am on such a tight schedule with classes I need to take in order to graduate this June, I don't think I have the choice to drop it. I am stuck.

I am completely dreading going back into the lab, on my own time, and trying to figure out the damn thing.

In the past three days I have had some unfortunate luck, more than I normally do, I won't go into detail about my other annoying events/unaccepted turmoil that has occurred during the week because I do not want to sound anymore like Negative Nancy over here, so I'll just leave it at this.

Ways to NOT explode!

  • My first go-to: Write - release some tension 
  • Get a planner: At times when we are so overwhelmed with things we have to do, writing everything down and organizing yourself makes them seem less stressful, especially since it's just a cross out on the list. 
  • RELAX: I know. I know. When you're as hyper and tense as me it's extremely hard to relax. (Every time I have been to a masseuse they tell me at least three times to stop tensing my muscles... I just can't help it!!) BUT it is possible... when you breathe. Just sit down, in comfortable clothes, close your eyes if you're feeling real good... and just take some long deep breathes. 
  •  Get a reasonable amount of things done (or look like you did, when you write it out in your planner and then cross them off) and then enjoy yourself. Have a glass of wine and watch a funny show. Or a glass or wine and a book. Or a glass of wine and a friend!... (problem for me right now, I am too lazy to go buy a bottle of wine, but if I had the energy it would be a good possibility)
*I am not saying all my suggestions are the best for you, but for me they have helped. 

Anyway, weekly blog = accomplished


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